Showinghopetochina's Blog

James 1:27

A Surrendered Heart March 20, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 5:00 am
o say that this is difficult would be an understatement.
When we arrived in Luoyang on Sunday night, it was 11 o clock. Theo was asleep. Of course I went in to look at him. It was so hard to sleep in the same building with him but not be able to hold him! I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning and went straight to his room.
My sister texted me looking for pictures and I had told her he was asleep. She said ‘He has his whole life to sleep! Wake him up! This is ridiculous!’
I agreed haha I couldn’t wait to see him. I was a little nervous. After 1.5 years- I didn’t know how I would be welcomed. His ayis were so excited to see me.  He was playing with some toys in the corner of the room and I went over and sat down with him. He kept looking at me like he wasn’t quite sure what to think. After about 30 seconds- he reached over and touched my nose and said ‘mama’. Immediately I started to cry and he crawled into my lap full of smiles and laughs. I spent a couple hours with him yesterday morning, amazed by how he has progressed in the past year and a half. He is so mobile! He gets around…scooting on his behind with his arms. He talks nonstop! He knows his alphabet, colors and shapes….any question of his cognitive ability is gone. He is one smart little boy. I never would have dreamed this for him 3 summers ago when we met. 
Going to lunch yesterday, I was feeling pretty good about things. I thought this was way easier than anticipated- that my peace about Theo belonging to someone else was all I needed. And then yesterday evening…it became something very different.
We had a birthday party for the kids yesterday afternoon. To all of you who contributed clothes or toys, your generosity caused great excitement here in the blue house! We said it looked like Chinese black Friday as the ayis picked out clothes for their little ones! The kids had a wonderful time eating cake and candy and popping balloons. Theo stayed pretty close to me and I held him and he was so content.Then when his ayi took him back to his room, there was a meltdown. He did not want me out of his sight. 
When I went up to his room a little while after, he did not want his ayi to feed him. He kept asking for his meguay mama. (american mama- his new name for me which I think is super cute). I fed him and we laughed and I couldn’t help but think about how that could have been our life together.
Lets be honest. I know he is going to a wonderful family. I know this is the Plan for him. But I’m human. And I have loved this child as my own for so long…it is difficult to let him go. As I sat there with him, I was thinking in my head all the things that I wish I could tell him.
Its not that I didn’t want you.
I know that this is better for you. 
I will never stop loving you. 
I realized as I thought these things that these must be the same thoughts that these mothers feel as they abandon their children. It hit me that I feel like a birth mom-giving my baby up for adoption. 
As I sat with Theo, thinking about this realization, my tears began to flow. He wiped the tears from his face and then told his ayi that meguay mama was sad. 
The human part of me wishes that things were different. 
The spiritual part of me is so thankful for what he has ahead. For the mother and father that love him so. That he will never become a number, or a statistic. That he is getting the life that I have prayed for him for so long. 
Please pray that these two parts can come together and that a peace that surpasses all understanding will be given to me before I leave here this week.
The time is too short. I feel like I never left. I already don’t want to leave.
I am again thankful that God has called me here at this time.
Love from China!

Half of My Heart March 16, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 5:59 am

I dont think it has completely sunken in yet that this time tomorrow, I will be well on my way to the other side of the world. It kinda takes my breath away to think about stepping off the plane and being in China after almost 2 long years. Every time I think about it, I feel complete. Whole. Like part of me is missing when I’m not there. 

I’m just going to be honest and say that so much of that has been because of Theo. As joy-filled as I am that he will soon be with his forever family, I still feel like I’m losing a part of my heart. And I guess that’s ok. Because that was the Plan. 

I guess I’m writing tonight to let you know how to pray this week. Pray that the moments that Theo and I spend together will be full. Pray that God will grant me the peace I need to be able to say goodbye to the relationship that I have had with him and transition into what it will be like from now on. Pray for his heart, that he won’t be confused. Pray that he will understand that I will always love him.

I have to admit that I don’t know what kind of emotions this week will hold. I know that it will be different. I have always believed in Hope. Hope for Theo. Hope for all of these children. But it is more than an idea for him now, its a reality. One that will soon come true when he is welcomed into his new family! This is what we have all prayed for all along. 

Pray that God will be intentional with the children He places in my path. That Theo might pass that part of my heart onto the next little one who needs an advocate…who needs a team of prayer warriors like Theo has been so blessed to have. 

I can’t wait to walk into that big blue house and take this little boy into my arms. It has been too long…I keep thinking in my head that I feel like I’m going home.

Pray for our team as we travel. For good health. For those who have not been to this incredible place, that God will touch their lives and reveal to them things that they have never experienced. I pray that all of their hearts will be moved in a way that makes it impossible to forget.

Pray for us by name:

Joanna Franzke

Steve Hollis

Heather Wright

Jesse Overbay

Bailey Fassler

Erin Mackie

Kristen Mackie

Leah Potter

CJ Wochomurka

Amy Shavers

Can’t wait to keep everyone updated on the trip…and send pictures of these beautiful children! This is going to be incredible! 

Love from Nashville…soon to be China!


Mark 11:24 March 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 3:23 pm

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. -Mark 11:24


So up until this point, I have only asked for prayer from you. And your prayers have been answered! Theo/Ezra is going home to his forever family…VERY SOON!! As I have been in contact with his family, and asked them what they needed, I have learned a couple things.

1.) They are in need of size 8 catheters. As I am leaving on Friday for China, this will be a very difficult request to fill…but I believe it is possible. If you know of anyone who has access to having these donated, please let me know. This would be a HUGE blessing!!


2.) The family who is adopting Ezra is about $8000.00 short of their adoption costs. As you can imagine, being teachers and caring for 8 other children does not leave a lot of ‘extra’ money. However, they are walking in faith and trust that the Lord will provide. I have seen Him do it too many other times to not believe that He will also do it here.


If you are interested in helping with either of these needs, no matter how great or small, any contribution is a blessing and another answered prayer for getting Theo into his mother’s arms.

Please email me at

Feel free to pass this blog along!!


Love from Nashville!