Showinghopetochina's Blog

James 1:27

100 things I will miss about China (and one that I won’t) July 31, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 4:54 pm

The tears have officially started flowing. There is most likely no stopping them at this point. I went in to say good night to Theo tonight and give his night shift ayis their bracelets. Again, when the nurse told them I was leaving for America on Monday, they were so excited because they thought that Theo was going to America too. They did not understand how I could leave again and not take him with me. So, I cried. Understandably. The nurse told me that I reminded her of the Phil Collins song ‘You’ll be in my heart’ from Tarzan…it made me laugh at the time. But now that I have downloaded it from itunes and am sitting here listening to it by myself…I may or may not be crying again 🙂

I am not writing a terribly insightful message tonight. I think that tomorrow night’s will most likely be heavy enough to suffice for two days. So…tonight I’m going to reflect a little on my stay here. Some will be serious and some will be with a hint of humor and sarcasm.

I can’t believe tomorrow is my last day…


1.) Theo (did you really think it would be anything else??)

2.) Milk and Egg Star Cereal

3.) walking up 12 flights of stairs when the power goes out

4.) the sweet smell of Maria’s House

5.) movies for a dollar

6.) Yuan, Quai, RNB…whatever you want to call it, using Chinese money is like playing monopoly

7.) My filipino nursing friends!

8.) sleeping in a room with no windows so I never know what time of day it is when I wake up

9.) playing involuntary charades when I am trying to communicate with people that don’t understand English

10.) Carissa’s beautiful, innocent smile.

11.) watching Sue Thomas, F.B. Eye every night after rounds

12) getting all dressed up to go to Pizza Hut (the nicest restaurant in town)

13.) Split pants

14.) brushing my teeth with a bottle of water

15.) people taking my picture and staring whenever I go ‘into town’

16.) the way Lebron giggles and sticks his legs straight out whenever he is happy

17.) Tsingtao beer

18.) The absence of diet coke…wait…I won’t miss that at all

19.) playing hopscotch in the streets in order to dodge the suspicious puddles

20.) the odor that fills the air whenever you walk outside

21.) Smog

22.) replacing 7 consecutive meals with Ramen noodles just so I don’t have to eat rice.

23.) not having to brush my hair

24.) the way martina is always sucking on her 2 little fingers

25.) Wall stickers

26.) Affordable art

27.) the excitement of waiting online at night to see who will get on first to skype me

28.) late night spiritual talks with Mikey

29.) blocked internet sites like facebook…youtube…foxnews

30.) the strange looks that I would get when I was out running ‘for fun’

31.) the view from the roof at Maria’s House

32.) enhancing my thigh muscles by using squatty potties

33.) a front row seat to watch the guy hawking loogies on the escalator at the Carrefour

34.) Jack’s big eyes

35.) the joyful uncertainty of not knowing if the water will be working on a daily basis

36.) the gummy fruits

37.) cute purses for less than 10 dollars

38.) how Asher runs down the hall whenever he sees me with his arms wide open to give me a hug

39.) unlimited green tea

40.) watching how the ayis love their babies

41.) blogging

42.) being the tallest person playing basketball after dinner

43.) watching tv with Theo

44.) walking a mile to get a cab and then praying I remember how to say where I’m going

45.) bargaining at the markets

46.) Lucas climbing into my lap and snuggling with me whenever I sit down in his room

47.) observing the shoppers at the grocery store

48.) 9 dollar 2 hour massages

50.) being around dozens of other people who love these children

51.) Judah saying ‘Ni hao’ over and over again when I am in the room b/c he knows thats about the only thing I understand

52.) Water banquet

53.) Jessica singing along to the Chinese kid’s sing a long video

54.) joking with Sharon about her crush on Mikey

55.) saying no to any ‘chicken’ that is offered to me

56.) hearing all the Chinese people that speak English call me their ‘friend’

57.) being able to observe how healthy and happy children like Michael and Carter are growing

58.) the way that Theo’s eyes disappear into little slits when he laughs

59.) taking my shoes off when I enter a place where someone lives

60.) being offered cigarettes as  a show of hospitality

61.) being chased out of the Pizza Hut because the woman forgot to give us ketchup for our pizza

62.) Susie’s beautiful new smile since her cleft lip surgery

63.) enjoying the sport of dodging traffic while crossing the street

64.) knowing that I can walk down the stairs and kiss my baby whenever I want

65.) walking through the halls and hearing the mixed sounds of the laughter and crying of babies

66.) Jim motioning for me to bend over so he can kiss me on the lips.

67.) Egg Bread

68.) how excited the ayis get when an English song comes on the radio and they pull me in the room to hear it

69.) Constant Ricky Martin and Backstreet Boys playing in the grocery store

70.) Carrying my own toilet paper everywhere I go

71.) Naming babies when they are admitted to Maria’s

72.) Rocking the precious little ones to sleep

73.) the disbelief of seeing infants riding on mopeds with no helmet

74.) the beauty of the country itself

75.) the smell of garlic and vinegar coming from the kitchen

76.) hearing the nurses singing all my favorite songs from the 80s on their karaoke machine

77.) silk worms

78.) watching Nash sleep

79.) when Theo says ‘mama’

80.) showing hope to china 🙂

81.) getting excited when I recognize a Chinese word

82.) bad English translations on signs

83.) The sign that says ‘Cure female problem. Come to procreation hospital’

84.) the beautiful fireworks display that Mikey arranged on the roof…wait…that never happened.

85.) watching Theo learn to get around despite his handicap

86.) the friends that I have made here unexpectedly

87.) hearing the people at home say they miss me!

88.) walking through the aisles of the grocery store looking for anything familiar to cook

89.) ‘Parlor games’ on the roof

90.) The broken English that the nurses use that always sounds so cute

91.) feeling like I’m home

92.) Panda bears frolicking in the fields at day break (just kidding…just trying to see if anyone is still reading at this point)

93.) seeing the miracles on the ‘smile floor’ first hand!

94.) watching Juliana play on the playground

95.) having the option to ride the night train whenever I want

96.) Ryan’s cute little dimples

97.) Chinese kids in general

98.) trying to text on my Chinese cell phone

99.) kissing Theo goodnight and saying ‘wo ai ni’ (I love you) like I have every night for the past 40 days

100.) every second that I have been given to love these children, serve these people and do the work that I have been called to do.

Things I won’t miss:

1.) RICE!!!!

Love from China!!


Packing Chi-ku July 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 4:36 pm

Friends a friend for-ev

Packing up the memories

Micahael W. Smith Song


It’s not over

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 4:06 pm

Phillipians 1:6 states ‘He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it’

During the next 72 hours, I will be clinging to that promise. I said my first goodbyes tonight. Because of the 4 day rotation of the day shift ayis, this was the last day that I would see those in Theo’s room. I bought each of the 16 ayis in his room a bracelet. A very small token to thank them for loving the children, especially one particular one. I had Jona, the nurse go in with me to translate to them my gratitude. They were all upset that I Was leaving and they had Jona translate back to me not to forget them and to please come back, also promising that they would take good care of my little one. I have no doubt that they will.

The reality of the first goodbye has kind of smacked me in the face, making me so aware that the next 3 days are going to be filled with goodbyes. One of the things that made it easier to leave last July and this March (and Lord knows, that was still incredibly difficult) was knowing each of those times, when the next time I would be back was. This time I will be leaving without that knowledge. There will not be a date in the back of my mind that serves as a constant reminder of when I’ll get to hold my baby again. This time I will be walking out of these doors completely on the faith that God will bring me back here again.

When I think about my life, and the events, decisions and God-given passions that have led me to this place, I am constantly humbled that God would use someone like me for this type of Kingdom work. I think it is undeniable that He has begun a good work in me. There is something much bigger than me going on here and I have to trust that God will allow me to continue to be a part of it. As I was sitting up with Candace last night and talking to her about the desires of my heart, specifically for the children of China, she kept telling me how excited she was to see how God was ultimately using me here because there is no doubt that He is.

I suppose that this is the part where I have to trust His timetable more so than my own. Because I want a lot of things. And I want them now. But as I am learning more and more, His timing is perfect and that promise allows me a kind of peace that will hopefully sustain me through the days to come. He will be faithful to complete this. I can trust in that. I know that there are times that it will not be easy and my heart will break and I will be in a place where I would give absolutely anything to kiss Theo’s sweet little cheeks.

I have also had to come to the tough understanding that perhaps what God is doing with me isn’t really about Theo specifically, but more about what he represents as a whole. He represents every child without a parent, all over the world. And maybe that’s what this whole thing is about. When I went to the state run orphanage yesterday, I could see Theo in the eyes of all of those children, because even though my heart belongs to him…each of them need the same things that he does. I cannot forget that.

I tried to keep today as notmal as possible. I wanted to love on all of those that I have made a special connection with Lucas, Lebron, Jessica, Martina, Carissa, Carter, Asher, Suzie, Aiden and of course Theo. I can’t stand to think about saying good bye to him. The little boy who holds his arms out for me when I simply leave the room for five minutes and all the way down the hall I can hear him screaming ‘mama!’. I can’t handle that…and its not fair to him to feel the absence of someone who loves him so much. I wish there was a way to make him understand that he is part of a really big plan. And I’m not running away from him, only towards the divine timing that will reveal what that plan is. I just wish I could promise him that he’s safe. But I can’t. Because there are no guarantees. But I do know that this is not nearly over.

Keep me in your prayers. I will need them now the most!

Love from China!

(ps…notice how I’m getting a little more spiritually gutsy in my final entries from China? haha)


Lost in Translation July 29, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 9:04 pm

Seeing as how it is 5 am and I haven’t slept, you probably won’t be getting much out of me tonight. Today was emotionally draining. I can’t give you much more than that anyway…we went to the state run orphanage. I don’t have pictures from the inside, only of the group I am currently with on the outside. So since I don’t have pictures of the children there, I thought I’d offer you some of our beautiful children 🙂

I will say that a really cute little boy at the state run orphanage got very mad at me b/c he wanted me to read him a book. He kept yelling at me and holding this book out. He didn’t really get why I couldn’t understand him, so he got really close to my ear like he was going to tell me a secret and asked me to read the book again. I kept trying to tell him that I can’t read Chinese….but he couldn’t understand that. So, he just ended up throwing the book at me. It was funny and frustrating all at the same time.

The director of the orphanage took us around to show us the rooms where they do physical therapy with the kids and where their classrooms are. He took us to a room with a big round table where we could sit and ask him questions. Mikey was supposed to be our translator. To me, he speaks amazing Chinese. I am constantly in awe of him when we are out and he is using his international communication skills. However, he says that he has been told that he has the sentence structure and comprehension level of a third grader in Chinese. So when we would ask questions to the orphanage director, Mikey would loosely translate to him the question. The director would give a long and drawn out response. Mikey would then look at us all like he was telling us exactly what the director said, but really he was saying ‘I don’t understand anything he is telling me so just smile and nod’. It was a pretty funny situation.

When we came back to Maria’s this afternoon, I was playing with Theo (big surprise, I’m sure). I was singing ‘the itsy bitsy spider’ and doing the hand motions to it. He thought it was hilarious. Like, he was laughing so hard that his face was red and he was crying. His nanny was trying to figure out how to cross your fingers to make the spider part of the song. She could not get it at all. So then, the other three nannies join in, trying to learn the spider song. I was able to successfully teach them all the motions….but the words might have to come next summer. They weren’t quite catching on.

Although I wish I had gone to bed earlier, I had an incredibly ordained conversation with Candace Ashburn tonight and she is my new hero. She spoke great words of encouragement to me in regards to leaving this week. She also shared the story of her life and how it was shattered when her husband was killed in a translplant airplane crash. Candace had 3 kids unnder 5. What an amazing woman full of ever relevent spiritual truths. Gotta go to bed…ca’t spell anymoer



Mosquito Chi-ku July 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 4:33 pm

Mosquito Bite on Forehead

Cant’ stop scratchin the body

Mosquito nets? Yes!


The Right Stuff

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 4:20 pm

The sole reason that I have entitled this blog entry ‘The right stuff’ is b/c Mikey and I were cruising through downtown Luoyang tonight listening to New Kids on the Block…so the song is in my head. There was a brief second when I considered tying the blog together by using this opportunity for thanking God for giving me the ‘right stuff’ to come to China…but I think I will spare you all that cheesy bit all together.

We got up early this morning. Or at least early for me on a summer schedule. The group left at 8 this morning to take a day trip to Jiaozuo to the new unit that Showhope/NewHope has started down there. The unit is in a state run orphanage that opened in May. Due to the sponsorship of that floor, Showhope/Newhope was able to build the unit and staff it as well. It looks and functions just like Maria’s House, only it is one floor with 3 rooms and 36 beds. Of course the children were precious down there as well. How could they not be?? The little girl that I am holding in the picture today, lives there. Her name is Gwynn and she is precious! We spent a couple hours there and then headed back up to Luoyang. It was entirely too long to be in a car in China. We got back to Maria’s and I spent some good time with Theo. As my days are numbered here, I Feel like every free second that I have is spent with him.  When I left him tonight, there was a nurse in the room that was able to translate to him that I will be back tomorrow. He didn’t cry when I left b/c he knows I’m coming back…if only I had figured out how to say that about a month ago!

Tomorrow we will visit the state run orphanage. I will not have pictures to offer from that experience but I am hoping to find a few precious children that I know there…

Again, just a basic blog post today but I promise the next few days will be better…gotta make it count! 🙂

Thank you all for reading, loving and supporting me. As much as I say that I don’t want to come home, there are so many people that I can’t wait to hug when I get there.

Love from China!!

ps- Have I mentioned how beautiful I think my child is???


A very normal day July 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — showinghopetochina @ 3:42 pm

I never really thought that I could get to a point where being in China would feel ‘normal’. But it completely does. I am not homesick at all and I feel that I could comfortably stay several more months before I got to the point where I was desperate to come home. The fact is, I really love it here. Yes, I get tired of eating rice (which is what I had for dinner by the way) and sometimes I get frustrated that I don’t understand what people are saying to me. But being in this house, surrounded by these people and precious little lives, is one of the most content and peaceful feelings I have ever had. When I think about the fact that this time next week I will be on a plane back to the US, I get this sick feeling and a terrible pit in my stomach. I was originally scheduled to come back tomorrow, but I am so thankful that it worked out for me to stay a week longer. I’m not ready for goodbye…but I will probably say the same thing next Monday morning. Good bye will not be pretty.

Today I got up and did some work in the office. I had lunch with the new group (who are totally awesome). We did some fingerpainting in the kindergarten after lunch. Then I went upstairs and played with Theo for about 2 hours. He was up to his usual craziness. He is the funniest kid. My heart literally hurts when I think about leaving here without him. I spent some time in the Tinkerbell room today as well. The two beautiful little ladies in the picture above reside there. That room is wild and fun. Mikey took us out to the duck restaurant tonight and did another traditional Chinese meal…I’m hoping that a western meal will make into the schedule one night this week. Then we strolled through the night market again to look at the weird things they fry up to eat. Completely disgusting.

Sorry that today’s was not lengthy or ensightful but I am very tired and more and more sad as my departure approaches. Pray for me to make the most of the next few days and that I can stay strong. Love you all!

Love from China!